Vampires and Automail
by AskAStupidQuestion
Summary: Beyond the gate guarded by Truth is the soul of a Count and the souls of all that he has ended. When two packages make a wrong turn at the edge of the universe, it plunges our friends into a journey to understand the connection between the Ultimate Taboo and the No Life King.
1. Chapter 1: The Two Packages

Vampires and Automail

The following is a fan-made story.

Fullmetal Alchemist is owned by Hiromu Arakawa and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Viz Media, Madman Entertainment, Square-Enix, and Funimation.

Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madhouse Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation.

Please support the official releases.

Begin Chapter One: The Two Packages

...

Central Headquarters, Outside Führer King Bradley's Office

"Why do I have to be the one to run the Führer's errands?" Ed whined as Mustang led him out of the office.

"Because the rest of us have real jobs to do," Roy retorted.

Ed just scowled as the man walked with him to the front desk. It had been a month since Ed had turned 16 but everyone still treated him like a child. He was still frowning when a voice knocked him out of his sulking.

"Brother!"

He looked up and sure enough, there was Al, waving from the receptionist's desk. Ed cracked a smile and waved back. It was hard to frown when you were around a two meter tall optimist all the time.

"Good luck with that exam, Ms June," Al said to the woman behind the desk with a wave as he turned toward Brother.

"Thank you, Al!" the receptionist yelled back as he chased Ed outside.

Al caught up to him a block down the sidewalk. Ed was deep in thought, his eyes staring straight ahead and his hands shoved into the pockets of his favorite red coat. It was only after a few minutes of walking that he noticed his younger brother next to him.

"Oh, sorry, Al, I was just thinking," he said apologetically.

"It's okay, Brother. What were you thinking about?" Al asked.

"Why Bradley needs a State Alchemist to pick up some boxes from the post office. I bet he has personnel whose jobs it is to get his mail for him. Why did he ask for me by name to get it? We were in Resembool, for crying out loud!" Ed thought out loud.

"That is a good question, but maybe it's something valuable. Like a gem, or a puppy!"

"He has plenty of extra guards just gambling and lounging around at Central for something like that. No, it's something that we have a connection to and he's trying to get us to do our chores." Ed proclaimed.

Al looked down-trodden, "I still want it to be a puppy."

...

Hellsing Residence, Sir Integra's Office

"-the delivery we have arriving may be a slight bit illegal, so in order to ensure the package's safety, I'm having you two go pick it up," Integra finished.

Seras nodded, "Yes, sir."

"As long as I get my pay, Patron," Pip said with a half-hearted salute. "Although, may I ask why you aren't sending Alucard to do this? He is preoccupied with Father Anderson, again, yes?"

Integra just leaned on her desk, "I'm afraid so. His trip to Ireland to deal with that new-blood vampire took a turn for the worse when the Vatican sent a cleanup crew."

Pip nodded, "Well, Mignonette," he says, turning to Seras, "let us not keep the patron waiting. There is a package with our names on it, and I don't want to be fired my first week here, especially after that firefight in Brazil a few days ago." And with that, Pip and Seras walk out of the building and head toward the Post Depot.

"So, Mignonette, any guesses as to what the boss-man is having us pick up?" Bernadotte asked.

"None what-so-ever," She responded, "but whatever it is, she wants this transaction to be discreet if she only wants us carrying silenced handguns. I feel a bit naked without my rifles."

Pip smiled at that, "Ah, the mystery continues then. My guess is it's a new set of guns for Alucard. The way he uses them, I'm surprised they haven't fallen apart for lack of cleaning. Ah, if only," Pip continued, "he had some respect for the firearms so graciously given to him by Sir Hellsing."

They continued on in silence until they reached the depot. Flashing a Hellsing Officer badge at the guard in the security gate, Seras led Pip into the warehouse of shelved crates and boxes. The warehouse was one of the dozens of checkpoints for mail being shipped in and out of the United Kingdom, but it was the largest by far. Stretching over two kilometers by one kilometer, it was a massive 25 meters in height. All of the twenty meter shelving loomed over the offices in the corner, and it was these offices that handled all of the goings and comings of shipments.

The doors chimed as Victoria opened them into the main office. The 'Head of Posts,' according to the brass plaque on his desk, looked up at the two newcomers with distain.

"Welcome to the Post Depot, what can I do for you?" he said, with little enthusiasm.

Pip reached into his breast pocket and pulled out the ticket Integra had handed to him at the meeting earlier. "We're here for a pickup."

With a glance at the ticket, the clerk's eyes flashed with surprise. He stared at them questioningly, "So you're the ones with the strange shipment? I have to say, it gave one of the workmen quite a start when it fell open while shelving it this morning. Not something you usually see in a crate. Firearms for Hellsing, sure, that's what we expected, but not that."

Seras took a moment to think about what she had just heard. She and Pip shared a moment of confusion while the clerk yammered on.

"-and I've never heard of the place it was shipped from. I mean, what's an Amestr-"

"Well, truth-be-told," Pip said, interrupting the Head of posts mid-rant, "we're here to only pick it up for our boss, we don't know what it is."

The man just stared for a little bit, then stood up slowly. "Sir, you may have a few questions after you see this."

He then proceeded to walk them over to a fork-lift that was lowering the mysterious crate. It was then that Seras noticed the ship-from tag.

"Rockbell Automail, Resembool, Amestris? Where in the world is that?" Seras asked.

The clerk just looked at her and said, "I could ask you the same question. We have no record of this being sent by any post office in the world under the name 'Rockbell' but even more curious are its contents." And with that, the man pried open the lid and everyone leaned in to see what was inside.

The wooden crate, about a meter and a half long by three-fourths of a meter wide, looked like any other crate you would ship machinery in, with one minor difference. The inside was half filled with hay, but that wasn't what anyone was looking at. What they were marveling at were the two mechanical limbs resting in it. Both made from segments of steel, one was a right arm and the other a left leg. On top of both of these was a sealed letter.

Curiosity got the better of her and Seras reached in and took the letter. Keeping the paper together was a red wax seal with two crossing wrenches imprinted in it. Opening it, she read aloud:

_ ~Ed_

_I'm sending these replacements and instructions of assembly to Central Command under orders from Lieutenant Colonel Mustang so you don't have to show your stupid face to me every time you destroy your automail. Still, it would be nice if you visited every once in a while. I'll tell 'the old hag' not to make anything with milk, as you insist on staying a shorty for the rest of your life. Write me when you get this._

_ ~Winry_

Pip, the clerk, and the fork-lift driver stared at the note for the longest time.

Pip broke the silence, "Who's Ed?"

...

Post Office, Two Kilometers from Central Headquarters

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A RUNT SO SMALL YOU COULDN'T EVEN SEE IT WITH A MAGNIFYING GLASS?!"

"Brother, I won't put you down until you apologize for being rude to the mailman. I'm sorry if we caused you any trouble, sir, I'll just take the crate and we'll be on our way."

"Just see to it that he doesn't come back, ever," the mailman said, with a sideways look at Ed struggling to get out from under Al's arm.

He set Ed down a good ways from the post office, just to be sure he wouldn't be tempted to go through with some of the threats that he and the mailman had exchanged in their heated discussion.

"You could've at least gone easy on my back, Al."

"Sorry, Brother, but it's not like you to start a fight over a little comment on my height," Al said.

Ed continued walking, "It is when he compares it to mine."

The only sound between the two of them on their walk back to headquarters was the clanging of Al's armor and the footsteps of Ed's boots hitting the pavement.

"I wonder what's in the box," Ed finally said as Al handed it over to the two awaiting soldiers outside Mustang's office. "I mean, Roy's not gonna let us leave until he knows whatever's inside isn't destroyed or stolen."

"Maybe it's something for us, like a present!" Al hoped.

"I don't think so, the military didn't even do that for my birthday," Ed sulked.

"Elric! Get in here!"

"What did I do this time?!" Ed shouted when he walked in.

Roy was standing behind his desk with the crate open. "Can you explain why this crate didn't come from Resembool and why it has over-sized weapons inside?" Mustang asked, gesturing to the open box.

He took a few steps toward it until he could see over the edge. Inside were tightly packed guns, guns that looked too large for anyone to use them. Four handguns, a normal-looking scoped rifle, and three rifles that looked like they could each take down a small house all stored expertly inside the box.

Ed turned sharply to Al. "How the hell didn't you notice it was so heavy?!"

"Um, maybe because I had to carry your ass halfway across town!" Al shouted back.

"Both of you calm down. The truth is I had Ms Rockbell ship an extra set of automail to be stored here in case you ever had an emergency, which you seem so prone to having. Now, it's not as big of a loss that they aren't here, but we do want to know where these came from," Roy said.

"Well, we can start with the address and the note that's taped to the underside of the lid," Ed suggested sarcastically.

"We already checked the address but it's nowhere we know of," he explained. "Hellsing Arms Distributor, Berlin, Germany."

Ed leaned over, ripped the note off of the lid and opened it:

_ Sir Integra Hellsing,_

_I believe I have everything in order here. These firearms should be equal replacements to their counterparts, although I fail to see why anyone in their right minds would need TWO anti-tank rifles for a 'home project.' Attached is a transaction receipt that needs to be signed and returned. It's just legal stuff, no need to rush._

_ Sincerely, Head Arms Specialist, Hans Jackson_

_5 March, 2000_

_Hellsing Arms __Distributor_

_[No Address Given]_

_ Order No. __2931098234_

_ Items of Transaction:_

_Hellsing Arms .454 Casull Auto Joshua Serial No. __7489054319_

_Hellsing Arms 13mm Auto Anti Freak Combat Pistol Jackal Serial No. __3939028849_

_Walther 9mm PPK Serial No. __8364928473_

_Beretta 93r 9mm Serial No. __5394725492_

_Accuracy International AW .357 Mag Extended Scope Serial No. __6927103948_

_Hellsing Arms Anti Midians 13.7mm Rifle Serial No. __0082718422_

_Harkonnen II 30mm Anti Tank Rifle Serial No. __3210027612_

_Harkonnen II 30mm Anti Tank Rifle Serial No. __3210027612_

_ Subtotal: £0.00_

_ Tax: £0.00_

_ Total: £0.00_

_ Signature of Recipient(s):_  
_

Everyone stared blankly for a moment. "I think I agree with the man. Who in their right minds would need two anti-tank rifles?"

End Chapter One: The Two Packages

...

Author's Note:

In this story, you may notice three things:

One- I use the metric system. While I don't know how to use it very well, I still try to copy the mannerisms of both animes in that both are set in countries that use it.

Two- I switch between past and present tense… a lot. It's not something I'm doing on purpose; it's just how the words fit together in my mind.

And Three- Some of the page breaks aren't spaced correctly. Not my fault, the site doesn't support my regular page breaks that look like this: ~~~

You can expect the second chapter in a week or so. Don't hold me to it, though. _SECOND CHAPTER NOW AVAILABLE!_


	2. Chapter 2: Van Hohenheim's Gate

Vampires and Automail

The following is a fan-made story.

Fullmetal Alchemist is owned by Hiromu Arakawa and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Viz Media, Madman Entertainment, Square-Enix, and Funimation.

Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madhouse Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation.

Please support the official releases.

Begin Chapter Two: Van Hohenheim's Gate

...

Hellsing Residence, Main Lobby

"Police Girl, please explain to me why the severed limbs of a printing-press are in my house?" Sir Integra questioned Seras.

"We were expecting weapons to replace the heavily used ones we have now, correct?" asked Pip.

"Yes, and we needed those newer anti-tank rifles for Seras to use. She's all but ripped out the rifling in her old ones," Integra said to Pip. "Any leads as to where the guns went?"

"Just a fake address in an Amestris," Seras piped up. "No idea what the postmaster was thinking, letting a package without a valid address through customs. Possibly bribed?"

Integra shook her head. "The package was sent from our firearms distributer in Berlin. It was searched there and sent off. Plus, we run the postmasters' office. Can't have any information leaking out about us."

They all thought for a moment. "So it was brought into the country, then switched out before it reached the warehouse. So we're looking for a highly trained group of people or someone of a-" *cough* "-mystical variety-" Bernadotte proceeded to have a coughing fit.

"I would suggest laying off the cigarettes for now," Integra stated.

"Well, Chef, when one is in the presence of a fellow smoker, it is hard not joining in," Pip said, gesturing towards the cigar in Sir Hellsing's mouth.

"Yes," Integra said, smothering her cigar in the ashtray, "quite."

At that moment, the absent Alucard decided to show up by breaking the lock on Sir Integra's office with a kick to the doorknobs. Everyone's eyes widened in shock, not so much because of his dramatic entrance but because he was fuming. Literally, his coat was smoldering from burn patches everywhere.

"Master!" Seras greeted him.

"Tell the Vatican I won't hesitate to kill their men next time they ruin my coat," he said to Sir Hellsing, taking it off and hanging it on the coat rack.

"What do you have to report on the new-blood vampire taking up residence in Dublin?" Integra asked, without a hint of worry as to his injured red friend.

"Dead, as well as all fifteen ghouls he created for himself."

"I hope you saved some ammunition from your adventure, because our new weapons went AWOL in the mail," the Frenchman said.

Alucard grinned, raising an eyebrow. His attention was then directed to the open crate on the rug. His grin dropped and the room went silent.

...

Central Headquarters, Lieutenant Colonel Mustang's Office

"March fifth, two thousand? That can't be right, that's 85 fucking years in the future!" Roy yelled at Ed.

"Don't yell at me! I'm just reading what it says!" Ed shouted back.

With an irritated twitch in his eye, Ed turned back to the letter. _Berlin? Germany? Hellsing? What the hell kind of joke is this? _Ed thought to himself.

"This is ridiculous; I'll send a squad to search for any kind of leads on where this came from. In the meantime, we should bring these down to the gun range, although," Roy said, casting a glance at the cannons, "we may need something a slight bit bigger than the closet we use for shooting."

Ed grinned. "No doubt about that, but save a few rounds for me.

"So we need to search for a Hans Jackson and an Integra Hellsing, whoever they might be," he continued. "Although, if they're the same as the address, I don't think we're going to find anything."

Al looked at Ed. "I think I know who to ask, but you're not gonna like telling her that you lost her automail."

He stopped mumbling strategy plans to himself and eyed Al. "You've got to be kidding be."

"Winry Rockbell? I've seen the lumps she's left on your head, Fullmetal. Maybe Al should visit her on his own," Mustang suggested.

"Yeah," Ed said, rubbing the back of his head, "good idea."

Roy turned to Al. "I'll have a military escort accompany you to the train station, we can't have anything about this leaking out."

"Of course," Al nodded.

"So, Ed, now that you have some free time, it seems your uppers want you to test some new prototypes," Roy says while lifting the 68 kilogram cannon out of the crate.

"All in the service of the Führer," Ed said with a grin.

...

Hellsing Residence, Main Lobby

"Alucard, this is the one time I've seen you scared in my entire life. Where the hell do you know these pieces from?" Hellsing asked with a worried tone.

Seras stopped focusing on Alucard's expression and turned towards Integra. It was the first time either of the two had shown any emotion other than a calm, collected cool, and the result was scaring everyone, including the lingering members of Wild Geese around the room.

When the stillness began to blanket even the mind of Sir Hellsing, Alucard began talking.

"In February 1910, thirty-two years before I joined Walter in the Second World War, I consumed the soul of one non-human target, Van Hohenheim. He wasn't a vampire, ghoul, or human, but he was undead."

...

Germany 1910, Eight Kilometers from Berlin

"Van Hohenheim, I'm afraid you're going to have to leave," the voice said, waking him from his haze. "It's not anything I have against you, the manager just says we can't have debtors gambling or drinking until it's been paid off."

He sighed, pushing his chair away from the table. "I understand, Jakob. Auf Wiedersehen."

As he stood to leave, the Elric noticed a shadowy figure seated in the corner. The man, wearing ordinary working clothes, wouldn't have been out of place had he not denied drink, food or the company of fellow bar patrons.

Something was wrong. Hohenheim knew something was wrong. He couldn't be followed.

As he walked towards the door, he watched the reflection in the window of the bar as the man stood and casually strolled after him.

_Lose him. You have to lose him_, he thought frantically.

As soon as he was clear of the door, he ran into the alley. One block, two blocks, three blocks, ducking into alley after alley, passing house after house, Hohenheim ran until he couldn't run anymore. Panting, he looked back, checking the coast. No one.

Relieved, Van Hohenheim checked his surroundings to see if he could find a gasthaus since his current residence wouldn't be safe.

"And where are we off to in such a hurry, fremde?" A voice echoed off of the alley walls.

Whipping back around, he was surprised to see that the man from the bar had caught up to him. Now, from this distance, he could see him clearly. About 190 centimeters in height, he had raven black hair, red-tinted glasses and a devious grin showing off unnaturally long incisors.

"What do you want, you fiend?" the Elric asked, taking a step back.

With a widened grin, he said, "I am Alucard, and according to some associates of Hellsing, you've been causing quite the stir in town. I've heard the rumors. A man that never dies, an immortal, a perfect human that steals the lives of passersby, I'm surprised I wasn't sent sooner to take care of you."

In a split second, Alucard had him pinned to the wall with a hand on his throat.

"I'm afraid I'll be leaving now, but not before I take your soul."

And the world went white.

Everything was silent, until Hohenheim heard a voice.

_Now, now, mister. You can't come back here without paying. I already lost out on your payment once._

Truth.

He turned around slowly to face the blank man. The same white infinity, the same gate, the same deal with an apparition.

"Truth, has it really been six years? My, how you've grown. Now, it seems that someone consumed my soul, and I would like it returned to me. Our deal was that I lived for eternity if I passed through the gate alive," Van Hohenheim stated blankly.

_Ah, yes. The dying man looking for a way to prolong his life so that he would see his children grow. Except, you never did come back to visit. Well, as luck would have it, I believe your boy Alphonse will be dropping by shortly, but Edward won't be staying long._

At that moment, the Gate's eye opened. The carved stone morphing almost naturally to reposition itself.

_I'm afraid I have to entertain other guests, but your youngest should be here soon._

With that said, Truth disappeared and the Gate opened to lay a boy down in front of it.

Hohenheim gasped silently.

"Alphonse."

...

The Gate, Truth's Domain

Alucard opened his eyes to blinding whiteness. Blinking away the pain of the light, he stood slowly, his footing unsure.

_Well, I never expected to meet you here, Alucard, the No Life King._

Turning his head, Alucard was met with a strange sight. A blank person.

_Well, you're here anyways, so you have to pay the toll._

"And who might you be, No-face?" Alucard asked with an edge in his voice.

_Where are my manners? You'd think with so many recent visitors, I would have learned. I am Truth. I am everywhere and see everything. I know all and protect that which is precious. And right now, you have something precious that will need to be traded for your passaid, looking around._

"I'm afraid I don't care, now how do I get out of this place?" Alucard said.

_You don't, or you can't until I say so. Your body, mind, and soul are in limbo, and only I can raise the stick to let you walk through. Now, let's see here… I want your soul, or more specifically, I want the souls you consume._

"That's impossible because I won't give them to you."

_The Gate does not care whether you are willing, only that you are here._

"Gate? You mean I could have left?"

_No. you couldn't and can't. You see, I've had some slippery people see the Gate who did not pay in full. Like two young boys who came through not too long ago. One paid his share, and the other only paid with a leg._

_Usually I pull those people back to pay what they owe, but he gave his an arm as well for the soul of his brother. He was so sincere about it that I voided his dues and took the deal. Now look at these lovely limbs…_

Suddenly, with a puff of gray smoke, Truth stood before Alucard, sporting a right arm and a left leg. As if modeling a dress, it showed off the skin like it was a prized possession.

_I would love to have something of yours to go with it, but you're being stubborn. I guess I can just force it from you._

"Just try to," he snarled.

A grin spread on the face of Truth. _Let's see if vampires can truly handle eternity._

A small black hand shot past Alucard's head, then another, and another until he was surrounded by hands, tugging him backward. The hands forced him to look at the structure behind him, the giant, stone Gate.

_I'm afraid our little chat stops here, Vlad the Impaler._

End Chapter Two: Van Hohenheim's Gate

...

Author's Note:

In this story, you may notice two things:

One- I use the metric system. While I don't know how to use it very well, I still try to copy the mannerisms of both animes in that both are set in countries that use it.

And Two- I switch between past and present tense… a lot. It's not something I'm doing on purpose; it's just how the words fit together in my mind.

On another note, the last chapter was deleted when I tried updating the story icon. Mass confusion ensued until I found the Document Recovery thing, but I still took the chance to fix some minor details and errors. Also, this was released in two days instead of the expected week I thought it would take. That's not the publishing schedule, sorry.

You can expect the third chapter in a few days or so. Don't hold me to it, though, high school and marching band just started. One more year, then college, then I'm a free man... until I get a job, that is. Sousaphones for the win. PEACE!


	3. Chapter 3: Meeting New Friends

Vampires and Automail

The following is a fan-made story.

Fullmetal Alchemist is owned by Hiromu Arakawa and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Viz Media, Madman Entertainment, Square-Enix, and Funimation.

Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madhouse Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation.

Please support the official releases.

Begin Chapter Three: Meeting New Friends

...

The Gate, Infinite Blackness

Alucard was aware of nothing, yet he could see endlessly. Not that it mattered. The place he was in was a silent, roiling place. As far as he could see, including his vampire sight, there was nothing but the seething black trails of the billion hands that seemed to wave to him in greeting.

A sharp pain filled his chest. Like leaches, the hands were ripping at his ribcage. He had never felt pain like this before. It was as if they were eating at his life, his memories and his soul, all at once. Right as he was on the verge of passing out from the pain, a wave of relief washed over him and everything was still.

As if waking from a nightmare during his childhood, Alucard bolted upright from where he was laying in a yard. Checking himself, he found his clothes had reverted to his regular red coat and wide-brim hat. It was as if it had all been a dream, and it may have been.

What pulled the vampire from lying back against the tree was the smell of human blood. Standing up, he found himself in front of a small two floor house on top of a hill overlooking a dirt road. Cautiously opening the door, Alucard followed the smell to the basement. The stone steps were covered in black dust that left unnatural footprints as he walked downstairs.

It was a slaughterhouse. Tables of broken beakers and books crowded one wall while several suits of armor lined the other. A human skeleton, its bones blackened by some unknown cause, laid in the center of a pagan symbol drawn in chalk on the stone floor. Streaks of blood lead around the edge of this circle then abruptly to the wall.

As if to say one last goodbye to the world, a puff of smoke and dust escaped the skeleton as it settled in its position on the ground. Not surprisingly, it looked like a scene from hell. Alucard was almost lost in thought about the events that unfolded here, until he heard the door open upstairs.

…

Central Headquarters, Training Field

_KOOM! KOOM! KOOM!_

"Hey, Hawkeye!" Ed yelled, covering his ears, "Hawkeye, stop shooting for a second!"

Riza continued firing until she set the silver monster down after the clip was completely depleted.

Removing her headphones, she turned to Ed. "Good to see you, Ed. Have to say, I love the guns you brought down."

Ed rolled his eyes, "Yeah, I know, you've been shooting for an hour. So what do you think?"

"These are some hard-hitting pieces of equipment I've seen in a long time, and that's just the handguns. The Colonel won't let me fire the cannons or the black pistol, though, so I can't say anything about them."

"We're actually loading up to go to the outskirts of the city to test fire them, and he invited you."

Brushing hair out of her eyes, Riza smiled. "What are we waiting for?"

"Well, Mustang's having some trouble getting one of the larger transport trucks commandeered for our expedition. It could be a while."

Shielding her eyes for the sun, Riza smiled, "Speak of the devil."

Ed turned around as a covered transport truck drove up next to the training field. From the back Ed could see the tops of the two Harkonnen cannons peeking out at him. A shiver passed through him. There was just something about them that seemed otherworldly, as if it were some beast wanting to be used in war, to destroy anything in its path.

"You coming, Fullmetal? I don't have all day," Roy called down from the truck.

With a frown, Ed climbed into the back and sat on the metal benches built in to the back of the truck. The First Lieutenant sat across from him, carrying the silver pistol in a holster.

As the vehicle began its nine kilometer trip out of the city, a thought occurred to Ed as he stared at a strange flag imprinted onto the side of the cannons. It was a simple red cross on a white rectangle, bizarrely plain for the national flag of 'BRITAIN,' as it was spelled out underneath. It could be a secret organization instead of a country, but somehow he couldn't help but thing about the day he saw the Gate.

Equivalent Exchange, that is what he learned from his mistakes. He had knocked, and the Gate answered. But, Ed thought, Gates always went somewhere, didn't they? You didn't build a doorway for nothing.

_Well, well, well, aren't we the over-achiever today? I'm surprised; usually it takes decades, even centuries for people to figure something like that out._

Ed looked up. The truck was gone, replaced by the white expanse he was all too familiar with.

_I mean, I only dropped those packages in the mail a few days ago._

"Truth, stop rambling and explain why the hell I'm here," Ed said, trying to hide the fear in his voice.

The white figure grinned impossibly wide. _When you can do whatever you want and you live forever, you get bored. So, every few millennia or so I drop a few pieces of importance on either side of the Gate, just for the hell of it. Oh, but you already guessed that, or were going to, anyway, before I dragged you in here._

"Other… side? You mean those things are from another world?! I was going crazy trying to explain some random package swap and you're telling me there's another universe over there?!" Ed yelled.

_You already knew in your heart it wasn't just a random mix up. I get bored, through the eternities, so teasing mortals is what I pass my time doing. You answered my question, although, having knowledge prior to being asked may be a bit cheating. I won't hold it against you, because you paid for what you know. Now, Edward, I'm afraid you have a train to catch._

"What the hell are you- Is it even possible to pass the-?!" His eyes widened. The Gate, he had forgotten about the Gate.

Black arms engulfed him as he tried in vain to shake them off.

"DON'T I EVEN GET TO SAY GOODBYE?!"

_No, you get to say hello._

In an instant, the memories of the day he and Al tried bringing their mother back repeated themselves. Knowledge and pain, flooding in like an ocean. Only, this time, there was a light at the end of the tunnel.

With the sound of a deafening lightning strike and military commands being shouted over his head, Ed passed out cold, his face pressed against a rough paved street.

…

Hellsing Residence, Main Lobby

"So you're saying that for months, you were in another universe? Then why the hell do our records show you were MIA for years?" Integra pressed.

"Time differences between the worlds. Their time travels slower than ours, so while I spent eight months wandering around in search of a way back, eight years passed here," the vampire explained.

"Should we be questioning him, Patron? I've stopped questioning anything he's said when he showed us how these prosthetics work," Pip said, fiddling with the electric transformer hooked up to the metal arm. "It's interesting to see that a place just starting to understand technology like internal combustion engines and electricity can comprehend something we can't even touch."

Their conversation was interrupted by a guard opening the door with a message from the Hellsing Post in Leatherhead regarding a trespassing incident.

"The Head Officer reports that the boy is unconscious and in intensive care although he has unusual prosthetics that were-"

"-made of metal?"

The guard looked taken aback, "Uh, yes, sir. That's exactly what the report says. May I ask how you guessed?"

Sir Integra smiled, "We have his replacements on the table over there. Now, Walter, would you bring the car around? We have to make a trip to Leatherhead."

"Of course, sir," the butler said with a bow.

The hour drive was made mostly in silence, the two vampires and three humans lost in their own thought. Seras was staring out at the passing trees, Alucard was brooding silently, and the rest were focusing on the many roadblocks that seemed intent on keeping them away from their destination. Of course, no one, with the possible exception of Alucard, could guess who they were going to see.

...

Leatherhead Hellsing Post, Intensive Care

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU TOOK MY WATCH?! HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO PROVE I'M A STATE ALCHEMIST?!"

"Sir, I'm afraid you'll have to sit down before we are forced to restrain you. Sir Hellsing will be here in a few minutes, and after that, your possessions will be returned to you."

"LIKE HELL I'M GONNA SEE SOMEONE THAT TAKES MY SHIT! NOW TELL ME WHERE THE HELL I AM!"

Ed wouldn't stop yelling at the guard. His head hurt, and he could barely remember anything after looking at the flag on the cannon. It was all blurred and muffled. And now he was in a small room that looked too futuristic to be real with all of its medical-looking machines with a military person wearing a uniform with the same fucking flag as the guns. He felt like it was a prank, but he knew it wasn't.

"He's right down here, but everything he says about himself doesn't make sense. We've done extensive research but we can't find anything about anyone named Edward Elric. It's like he doesn't exist."

It sounded like Ed had visitors. Wonderful, maybe now they'd give him his coat and watch back.

"Mr Elric, I'm going to ask you to move to the interrogation room. Sir Integra Hellsing is waiting for you."

"I won't even think about it until I at least get my damn coat."

"She permitted you to have it,' the guard said, handing the red cloth to Ed.

_She?_ he thought. _Sir? Who is it I'm going to meet?!_

The guard followed him down the hall to an open door, the sounds of their footsteps echoing hollowly. Past the door was a small room with a metal table and a mirror across one wall. Two people sat in chairs on the opposite side of the table. The guard motioned for him to sit it the empty chair.

The one leaning on the table with a cigar in their mouth looked like the one in charge. _Sir Hellsing, I think._ But the one sitting to the side looked... odd. Tall, with red eyes and black hair, the stranger sat staring in thought at some spot on the floor. He was very odd, but Ed could find something he liked about him.

_Wow, that guy's got a nice coat._

End Chapter Three: Meeting New Friends

...

Author's Note:

In this story, you may notice two things:

One- I use the metric system. While I don't know how to use it very well, I still try to copy the mannerisms of both animes in that both are set in countries that use it.

And Two- I switch between past and present tense… a lot. It's not something I'm doing on purpose; it's just how the words fit together in my mind.

On another note, when Ed notices the British flag on the Harkonnen II, should I have used the Union Jack or is St George's Cross fine? I'm only asking so I don't accidentally offend any Brits or people from Ireland, Scotland, or Wales.

I lied about the update. I had a break from everything this weekend as well as being sick today so had time to finish this chapter. The fourth chapter can be expected whenever school lets up a little. Chapter Two came out extremely early because I was excited about finishing it in two days, so don't expect me to keep the two day schedule, at all... ever. Well, maybe during summer or holiday breaks, if I'm inspired enough, but only then.


	4. Chapter 4: The Search Begins

Vampires and Automail

The following is a fan-made story.

Fullmetal Alchemist is owned by Hiromu Arakawa and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Viz Media, Madman Entertainment, Square-Enix, and Funimation.

Hellsing Ultimate is owned by Kouta Hirano and Studio Madhouse, and licensed by Geneon, Madhouse Entertainment, Manga Entertainment, and Funimation.

Please support the official releases.

Begin Chapter Four: The Search Begins

...

Central Headquarters, Lieutenant Colonel Mustang's Office

"'I can't find him' ISN'T an answer!" the alchemist fumed.

The soldier cringed under his gaze. "B-but, sir, he just vanished from a military vehicle with t-the First Lieutenant next to him. We d-don't even know where to start looking-"

"He's going to get himself killed if he keeps doing this shit to us! How long has he been missing, Hawkeye?"

Riza stood from the chair at the edge of the room and checked her wristwatch. "Exactly eighteen hours and forty-three minutes ago."

"Good enough. As of now, the Fullmetal Alchemist is officially missing. I want him found by yesterday, understood?"

"YES, SIR!" the man said with a quick salute before dashing out of the office.

Roy sighed and flopped into his chair. Putting a hand to his face, he blankly asked the Lieutenant, "He better have an excuse this time."

Hawkeye just stared ahead, hoping they wouldn't have to break the news to Alphonse.

...

Leatherhead Hellsing Post, Interrogation Room

"You have to understand, sir, we have no record of anyone with the name Edw-"

"You know what, it doesn't even matter anymore… My question's been answered. Guess they were right after all," Edward thought out loud.

Stepping away from the Receptionist Desk, he walked over to the strange woman and the even stranger man.

"So you were right, I don't exist. Somehow, not being dogged by that loony Mustang isn't as great as I once thought it was."

Crossing her arms, Sir Integra spoke in a quiet yet commanding voice. "Now that that's settled, can we get back to discussing how you got to our world."

Looking down in defeat, he only mumbled a single word response…

"_Fine_."

Taking the victory, she led Edward outside to a strange sight. Leaving all traces of hopelessness behind, he soon filled entirely with amazement at the contraption he saw before him.

On the paved stretch of ground outside the building was a contraption like no other. Supported by two skids and overlooked by long, flat, metal slabs conjoined above it, stood a car-like interior with a tail sticking out the back of it.

"Wh-what is it?" he said, studdering at the alien device.

The tall man in red, or Red as Ed had been calling him, smiled only slightly, saying, "It's a helicopter, here to carry us back to the Hellsing Manor."

Ed scoffed, "Carry us? How? It doesn't even have wheels like a normal car!" he said, gesturing towards the skids.

"Kid, you've got a lot to learn about this world," Red's words drown out almost completely as the man inside the machine turned a switch and set the blades spinning. Gusts of wind whipped the two's jackets around in a hailstorm of fabric.

"WHAT WAS THAT?!" Ed tried yelling over the engines as they approached the cab.

...

Central Headquarters, Personnel Conference Room #12

"-and so far, no one is reporting anyone fitting the Fullmetal Alchemist's description in the Western Region."

"Alright, I'm calling this meeting to a close until tomorrow at o' nine hundred hours. Until then, continue to gather as much information as possible," the Lieutenant Colonel said.

Hawkeye was waiting for him outside the doorway. "Sir, it's been nearly twenty-four hours since he went missing. We're going to have to move on to other important cases tomorrow."

"No," Roy said firmly. "We are not just going to wait around for an answer to fall out of the blue at our feet. Ed will be found even if it takes a decade of searching the continent."

Riza smiled at that. "You never did take 'No' for an answer. Even though we're continuing the search, we're going to have to tell Alphonse."

"Lieutenant, has anyone checked the cannons?" Mustang said, changing the tone of the conversation from one of dread to one of realization.

She looked taken aback. "No, sir, we locked them up when we returned to Central Command. Why?"

Walking away and speaking without turning around, he simply stated, "I have a theory, as crazy as it might be."

End Chapter Four: The Search Begins

...

Author's Note:

Thank you to everyone who was here before my surprise hiatus, and thank you to those of you who are new. Hopefully by the end of February, I can get this story moving on a semi-permanent schedule, probably once a month.

When I originally started drafting this story in August, I had no idea what the story would be about. Today, I still don't. So, from this chapter on, Vampires and Automail is completely made up on the spot. If you can tell, this chapter is shorter than the previous three. That's because I had to write it between glances at homework, so either this chapter will have parts of my thesis on the works of Shakespeare versus Poe or my paper is going to be turned in with snippets of Roy yelling at people.

I again want to thank anyone who reviewed, favorited, or followed my story, because you are disproving my original doubts about posting this story. This may not be a home, but you guys sure as hell welcome people into it like one.


	5. The Overdue Update

Hey. Long time no see.

This is sadly not an update to the story, but to the fate of the story. It's gone the route of many-a-story and it is time to officially retire it.

The original idea for this fiction came to me because of Hellsing Ultimate Abridged and Nullmetal Alchemist, two amazing abridged series on YouTube. It wasn't meant to last. I never made an end goal and so each chapter was written only to complete a story I had lost interest in. I have dozens of these unfinished stories scattered everywhere under different accounts and emails for various reasons and none of them caught my attention as a writer.

I'm handing the reigns over to the people that want this story. It was a fun project that was poorly timed and never went anywhere, and that's partly my fault. It's the fate of every single one of my creations... save one. And that is why I will no longer write for this site or any other that is not my own. I found my story. It's original, entertaining, and all mine. It has captivated me for a year and a half now and yet still it persists in my mind, slowly writing itself.

This is what I needed. A story I wanted to share from start to finish. Not a snippet or a single moment, but an entire universe I want you to see. For me it took hundreds of tries to find my one story. For others it could take thousands. Keep writing your paper boats. Those little ideas that come to you before you fall asleep, or in the shower. Keep them somewhere. Share them. They either fall apart or dont. The ones that don't are the ones you develop until you have to show them.

It's time I started working on my story. MY story. Not someone else's plot or characters, but mine. My very own universe that will spawn stories just like this fictional crossover that will lead others to create their very own.

I am sorry if this rambled on but I needed to write this before I forgot about you. The original three accounts that favourited my story. Thank you. To those that reviewed telling me it was a concept they loved. Thank you. And now to you. Thank you for leading me to my story. To a story worth writing.

Sincerely,

AskAStupidQuestion


End file.
